Ever since I was a child, I have always loved to sing. Trouble is, ever since I was a child, not everyone has loved to hear me sing.
Ever since I was a boy, I have always loved to wear dresses. Trouble is, ever since I was a boy, not everyone has loved me to wear dresses.
And, yes, the two are connected: By criticising what I loved doing, people made me feel what I loved doing was wrong and undesired; that, in the broadest sense, my desires were perverted.
So I withdrew into myself and hid my perverted desires.
They didn’t go away of course; they just became a source of pain; and for what I loved to be turned into a source of pain throughout 30 years of depression and suicidal thoughts truly is perverted in my opinion!
And I suppose at this point I’m meant to give Big Love Sista Choir 100% credit for turning my life around but, I’m sorry, I just can’t!
The process of turning my life around actually began at the turn of the Millennium. For, in the intervening years between the imaginary Millennium Bug and existential Big Love Sista Choir, I met my husband to be, “civilly partnered” him and transitioned from living as male to female.
It was almost as if I was positively determined to embrace my perverted desires!
But then my husband got an incurable lung disease called Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, was pronounced terminal and died and, after that, having gone through 12 months of pointless existence (I truly believed my existence was pointless!), I decided to go for the full house and embrace my last remaining perverted desire – my desire to sing!
So I turned up at choir practice one Tuesday evening, announced that my intention was to bring myself out of myself and apologised for being unable to sing; to which the choir replied that was OK, neither could they!
But they lied!
But that was OK, so did I!
We discovered together that, in fact, we could sing! In fact, we could sing bloody brilliantly! All it took was the desire to do it and we had plenty of that!
So laughs were had, friendships were formed, songs were sung and love was shared (It’s not called the Big Love Sista Choir for nothing, you know!) – all from the desire to overcome our limitations.
So Big Love Sista CEO, Clare Campbell, booked us in for her Big Love Little Sista Festival and we had our first public performance and the response was so positive that some lunatic journalist described us as “uplifting”!
Us! We, who only a few months before, swore we couldn’t sing!
So what has Big Love Sista Choir ever done for me except increase my confidence, my circle of friends, my happiness, my wellbeing and my mental health?
My ability to sing!
So I suppose I’ll only give Big Love Sista Choir 90% credit for turning my life around!
For more information about the Big Love Sista Choir, please see our What’s On page.