Sarah’s journey back to herself

My name is Sarah and I am from Merseyside and I am 30 years old.  I am a single mum to a five year old son.

About 3 years ago my life was in a complete mess; I was an alcoholic and was suffering from severe depression. It was about this time that I had split up with the father of my child and I was at the lowest point in my life that I could reach. I felt lost and helpless. Then, being unemployed, my lone parent advisor told me about a personal transformation course called Wild Woman, I must admit at first I thought, ‘oh no the job centre is putting me on another course’ at this point I was drinking enough just to get me through day to day, I hated myself, and liked the numbness and nothingness the alcohol gave me. I love my son so much but I couldn’t take care of him properly and social services intervened until I sorted myself out, and so he went to live with his father for a while. All along thinking I was hopeless and would never recover. It is then that I enrolled onto the Wild Woman course and first met Clare.

Wobbling Towards Wildness…

I was so nervous at first, I didn’t know what to expect! I need not have worried though, as Clare put me at ease straight away, her warm personality and the fact that the other women there were just as nervous as me, plus there was the added bonus of chocolate too! Over the process of eight weeks I learnt so much about myself, at this time I had stopped drinking, I had had a few setbacks drink wise but I was stronger because of the things I had learnt of myself. One of the most important sessions for me during the Wild Woman course was discovering my blocks; what was stopping me from moving forward in life? Why did I hate myself so much? Why couldn’t I make my dreams come true? Clare taught me that the only thing that was stopping me from reaching my potential was ME! It took me a long time but with Clare’s help and support, and the inspiration I gained from my fellow Wild Women’s stories, I began to piece my life back together again.

Turning Point…

I had my child taken away from me for seven months, to live with his dad, and I had been placed under psychiatric care in hospital, Clare and some Wild Woman friends visited me and brought me cards and presents and most importantly love and words of hope. I had been estranged from most of my family, because I caused them so much pain, they couldn’t see me so self-destructive. That was the lowest point that I reached before I realised I had to turn things around; I was not meant to be like this for life, I was not a victim and I could bring myself back to ‘life’.

What helped me through…
I collected together all my affirmations, Clare’s artwork, my artwork, all the cards and positive e-mails I had received and stuck them all up on my wall, Clare had given me a special diary, that I could write all my thoughts and feelings in, I wrote poems and painted and just let my creative side shine through. I designed a countdown calendar that I could work towards abstinence, and ultimately Shaun would be back living with me. I attended an in-patient and out-patient substance misuse programme and I tracked down a fellow Wild Woman and began working as a volunteer to keep me out of trouble.

Success and Good News….

All that was over two years ago now, it seems so long ago, and sometimes it feels that it happened to someone else, not me. My son has been back living with me for over a year now, he is thriving at school, and in fact he is top of his class! I have been attending college, and just yesterday received two offers for a place in University to study Sociology and Psychology.

My Dream for Future….

My dream is to work in a substance misuse clinic, and hopefully by sharing my story with others it will inspire them, and realise that they can be alcohol free too.

I have been abstinent now for two years and I am so proud of myself for getting this far, and I have so many dreams yet to fulfil, but as a very wise woman once told me ‘if you begin by taking baby steps, one day at a time, and believe in yourself, your dreams can become a reality’.